The Word Made Fresh

An amusing paraphrase, the three-volume version of the Bible by Andrew Edington, called The Word Made Fresh, was published in 1975. The translator is a layman, not a scholar, and this is a decidedly free translation. It is also an abbreviated version, using colloquial language. Accuracy is not its greatest virtue, but it is an interesting read.

To list some of the features in this paraphrase:

Colloquialisms

• Gen 9:24-26 When Noah learned of this, he chewed out his younger son.
• Gen 19:32 when he was too stoned to know what was happening
• Gen 25:39 Esau came in famished and pooped out

Modernizations of Names of People and Places

• Kirjathsepher = Scarlotti
• Achsah = Raquel
• Othniel = Sheriff of Cade County
• Jebusites = Rotarians
• Eglon = Evil king of New Orleans
• Ehud = Mac the Knife
• Sisera = Jesse James

Anachronisms

• Gen 26 Esau had married two Hippie girls
• Judg 3 and he concealed it carefully by sticking it to his thigh with scotch tape
• Judg 4 the angels reply to Gideon is, "Bring an uncooked TV dinner and place it on the rock before me," and after this was done, fire came out and "cooked the TV dinner as if by laser beam
• Matt 26 Then Slock, the high priest, started shredding Kleenex

Remarks in Footnotes

• His comments on the passage where the soldiers spit on Jesus is "If I had been God, this is about where I'd knocked some heads flying"
• After Judas returns to the elders and priests, confessing his wrong in betraying Jesus, they answer, "Tough stuff, man, but you can't unscramble these eggs." His comment is, "It can't even be done today. There is no un-mix master."
• After Philip goes to Atlanta (Samaria), men are healed and there is a great rejoicing. His comment is, "Better even than the Falcons winning."

Judges 12

  At each crossing place, the representatives of Big Jake would say to every man that came across, "What number follows thirteen?"
  Those who said "fourteen" were allowed to cross but those who said "foteen" were killed, for their accent betrayed their home country.

Malacai 1

  What do you do wrong? I'm glad you asked! For one thing, you bring gifts to the church, leftovers to the family night supper, and stale bread for the communion table. How does that grab you?
  What's more, you pay your church pledge with blind animals, or sick doves, and you claim more deductions than you give. You wouldn't try to cheat the IRS, would you? Why then do you try to cheat God?

Matthew 18

 It would be better to be one legged than always kicking old ladies in the shins

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